I hate the internet

Oh my fucking God. I was just writing a 5 page rant on how much I hate the internet and then it all disappeared because the internet sucks. I realized mid rewrite that WordPress saves all your drafts so I will give the disclaimer that WordPress does not suck nor does my job which is run mostly through internet means (email, VoIP, employee portal). Google is also pretty helpful and sometimes funny* as is Dlisted.

Here are some bullet points.

Twitter sucks

  • I want to tell Dan Dakich “Hot Garbage!” but there’s got to be a much easier way. That’s literally the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do on Twitter.
  • I hate when twitter talk bleeds onto Facebook and other websites (@everyone #IamonthewrongwebsiterightnowLOL)
  • It’s fun to participate in my man’s twitter conversations at times but having an account of my own sounds like far too much work

Facebook sucks

  • my mom makes inappropriate downer comments on my otherwise fantastical pictures of cakes and cats
  • I hate how they own everything I put on there. If I see my cats shilling free litter samples or something I’m going to be really embarrassed. Eventually I’m going to have to find somewhere else to put all my prepaid cell phone photography**.
  • Every time I do something it’s announced to my family, my students, my current and previous coworkers, and everyone I went to high school with many of whom have never actually spoken to me on Facebook or in real life.
  • Even though nothing is ever happening that I care about (Facebook game updates, what a nice day it is, what a ‘one of those days’ day it is, vote for my baby in this cute baby contest, look how rich my parents are I am, etc.) I am still compelled to check the site numerous times a day
  • 6 year olds and babies are on Facebook. WTF? Don’t get me started on kids (or anyone) and cell phones by the way.
  • I think I want to delete everyone but beer places, metal bands, and my closest friends but that also sounds like a lot of work
  • My mom is friends with me TWICE.

Sun King sucks

  • If you want to know what’s on tap or when they open+ (which I don’t, fuck them) you have to visit their website, their twitter, their Facebook, Google listing, probably pinterest as well now and then connect the dots of which is most up to date.
  • I have called their phone number numerous times to get actual answers but they NEVER ANSWER IT. Why even have a phone or a published phone number? Years ago when they were slightly less full of themselves I reached them by phone and was told after holding for about 10 minutes that they were too busy to talk to me.

Pinterest is stupid

  • Initially I was interested in putting my kitchen and craft to-dos up but I quickly accumulated a following of people I do not talk to but am “friends with” on Facebook and it creeped me out.
  • Visual clusterfuck.
  • This is probably the fastest I have seen a website go from fun time passer for girls to gold-digging ho (Lowes, Sun King, and many other companies are now pinning with the best of ’em)

Beer Advocate

  • I don’t participate on this website but from what I hear it’s a leading producer and enabler of assholes worldwide
Good Websites not previously mentioned:
  • Wikipedia
  • IMDB
  • the ones with recipes on them
  • Ratebeer
  • Amazon
  • craigslist
  • ebay

*D-listed is on my nice list, Michael K can and does waste my time whenever. This story demonstrates the potential comedic greatness of Google when put into the hands of dumb broads and also has a cameo by someone named “Jaroslaw Jarczok” (typo?): http://mobile.dlisted.com/node/29041?page=2

**Just as good as Instagram with none of the extra work.

+I once went to New Day Meadery when they were closed based on mismatched hours on different websites. I forgive them though because of Breakfast Magpie, their friendly staff, and their free crackers.


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