I have too many remotes

I have three remote controls that I use most frequently. One is for cable (yes our asses finally got cable but not entirely by choice. We’re just along for the ride and the new episodes of Justified, SOA, Breaking Bad, Eastbound & Down and Mad Men*), one for the tv, and one for the dvd player.

The TV and DVD player remotes are both LG so they sometimes can work independently of each other if I can’t find one. Inevitably one of my cats finds one of the three remotes to toss an adorable wrench in whatever we’re watching by pressing change the channel or “paws”. It doesn’t matter what my score on the sobriety chart is I lose them all every day+.  

At the house where I spent the first 14 years of my life, we had a tacky remote holder which hung over the arm of a couch and had a duck on it**. This did not preclude remotes from ending up in the refrigerator, basement, garage or elsewhere (I’m looking at you, dad++).

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Not only that, there are remotes for my air conditioner, my two space heaters, my man’s satellite radio and so many devices I no longer use. I don’t use any of these remotes nor do I feed their desire for tiny batteries. This is probably why rich people on Cribs always show you how they have 1 remote that controls their entire house prior to showing you their working copy of Scarface on DVD. 

*Once we had access to cable we were amazed that most of what was on tv was reruns of shit we saw 4 years ago when we last had cable.

+I am still convinced that my loveseat ate a pair of my glasses two years ago but I cannot prove this and this is irrelevant to the discussion at hand. 

**We had ducks all up in that bitch. On the mantle and in the yard and on the walls…

++This comment is actually ridiculous because A) my dad is deceased and B) he would never ever use a computer or access a blog or value my opinion on his remote losing skills. RIP http://www.myspace.com/jaroslav

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