Kitchen Disasters

Last night I had my first kitchen disaster in a long ass time. I was bound and determined to make donuts. Sour cream donuts to be exact, the best crunchy misshapen kind of donut. I was multitasking as always– taco meat was cooking (had to do something with the extra sour cream, plus tacos are suitable for every night*+), taco shells were crisping in the oven, oil was heating on the range for donut frying, dough was rolled, floured and cut into picture perfect donuts and holes while icing waited to be dipped into.

All of a sudden I lifted the lid on the hot oil and flames spontaneously erupted. It was of course terrifying. I put the lid back on and put the pot outside but not before all of the parts of the house I use filled with smoke and the stench of defeat. After spending an hour or so clearing the smoke out and washing the smell out of my hair, I baked the donuts in the oven and they came out certifiably “okay”. Thankfully this type of thing does not happen all that often.

This all could have somehow gone a lot worse, but it reminded me of other kitchen disasters I have had such as:

  • tacos tipping over (“stand and stuff” is a lie)
  • bacon smog fog every time i make it
  • getting drunk and melting a bread bag on the stove while trying to make grilled cheese (2009)
  • The heating element in the oven burning out mission impossible fuse style (2009)
  • dropping pecan pie with chocolate ice cream upside down on the floor (2008)
  • Slicing my finger open on a meat slicer while working at a deli- my and any customers worst nightmare (2007)
  • eggs breaking on carpet (1998) (who carpets a kitchen? my dad.)
  • dropping a trifle of cake, cool whip and berries fashioned to look like an american flag on the ground  (1993)
  • getting caught stealing birthday cake frosting prior to bday part (1989)

*celebrity taco endorsement: http://www.metalsucks.net/2012/04/02/exclusive-interview-muncipal-wastes-tony-foresta-talks-to-metalsucks-about-the-fatal-feast-feasting/

+see also, grilled cheese v. taco (2007): http://youtu.be/pFT20cpu9C0