Attention specialists

If you’re so inclined to read about recipes, juice, and what I eat on a daily basis, feel free to visit This is my latest halfassed attempt at a food journal, for once, without wasting notebooks at a time. I felt it would be unfair to what 2 readers I have to clog my existing blog with inane food lists in between rants.


Day 3 Juice flub

4 tomatoes on the vine

2.5 carrots

1 lemon

2 snack packs of celery

2 jalapeno peppers

The peppers were a mistake in retrospect. At first taste my healthy mary is delicious but then the slow lingering burn of too many peppers sets in. It’s been a long time since I was able to put half a bottle of hot sauce in my smoothies but i guess it’s also been a long time since i could drink half a case of shitty beer in one session too. Key Lime Sparkling water chaser it is!

As the day goes on I’m pretty much used to the hotness.

Last night made another batch of bananorangeapple juice, drank half before dinner and half this morning. Added cinnamon and the whole concoction came out tasting like a spiced pear shake. A+!

So far I’m digging juice because my skin looks healthier, I’m starting to be less tired, and I don’t have the urge to drink coffee all damn day long. I’m somewhat less interested in sugar but it’s hard to resist chocolate when it’s nearby.

I talked to my juice loving student and she showed me another recipe website which looks pretty cool:

She also taught me about something called natural horsemanship which seems to be like horsewhispering and treating ponies like people. I learned the word horsenality which is right up there with cattitude. Always teaching me stuff, those students!!

For my next trick i think I’m going to do carrots, sweet potato, apples, and celery. Or whatever happens when I forget that I wrote that down when I get downstairs.

Adventures in Juice- Ninja Review: Day 2

So my awesome boyfriend got me a Ninja blender on black Friday for early Christmas which I was very excited about. It got here about a week ago but I just tried it yesterday. I’ve written about juice cravings before and was pretty stoked to try.


I went to Walmart and got a sack of little granny smith apples and a sack of oranges. I also got 2 packages of whole carrots, 2 lemons, 4 bananas, 4 tomatoes and some celery. I was a little miffed that they didn’t have any strawberries. Overall I had no idea what I was doing besides knowing that my mom used to make apple carrot juice for me. I’m dreaming also of a spicy bloody mary (no booze) with homegrown hot peppers from my freezer.

Last night I made a delicious sage colored smoothie of 2 little apples, 3 oranges, a banana, and some ice. It was amazingly good and I drank it all that evening. My man even tried a sip and he is not so into juice or fruit.

Today I made a smoothie of about 5 carrots, 4 green apples, a lemon, some ice and some water (after it just wouldn’t liquefy . This recipe (or… list of non specific ingredients) was suggested by one of my students who is always inspiring me to think about or try healthy stuff. It’s decent but it seems… chewy. I don’t know if there’s a way to do carrots right with a blender but I don’t really care. She also suggested drinking juices within 15 minutes so they don’t lose their nutrients and storing them in the fridge in a mason jar filled to the brim to avoid oxidation. I don’t know if the 15 minutes thing is true, but I can’t stop drinking the juice so that’s not an issue. The oxidation I believe because of beer that’s tasted worse after being left half drank in a growler.

I am still new to the rules and practices of juice. My friend Angie has a juicer (separates pulp from the juice) and suggested this site:

I was glad she had some suggestions because when I was googling for smoothie recipes I was finding gross shit like hiding brocolli and spinach from your kids in peach and berry smoothies. I was also glad I asked for a blender and not a juicer after much deliberation because she said she doesn’t juice like she used to anymore because there’s so much damn pulp she doesn’t know what to do with it all. Plus I loved my (not really mine) vitamix of yesteryear. 

I don’t know if its acceptable or unhealthy to sip juice all day. I had a big glass for breakfast around 10 or 1030 and now its noon and i’m drinking the spare mason jar full. Feeling kind of empty inside. Fruit has a lot of sugar but I’m avoiding refined carbs (white sugar) so I don’t know if the fiber counteracts the sugar or if smoothie-ing can actually make you gain weight. Research needs to be done and it will probably be done by my mouth. Hoping not to ever get burnt out on Ninja-ing! 

Juice rant

A conversation with one of my students sparked an old obsession with healthful lifestyles and most of all juicing. She has similar health problems to mine and is on a constant quest for relief without health insurance. We talk about all kinds of out of the box alternative therapies and supplements but it’s just not in my nature to travel across the country to go to this sort of practitioner that I am not sure I believe in for a disorder I’m not sure I even believe in. I mostly live vicariously through her adventures. Since her own journey and initial multi-hundred dollar  investment in supplements, I’m pretty sure she’s debunked it as a useful solution as well. Recently she got me interested in Swedish Bitters which I’ve yet to sample but she swears by them. The best thing she has found that works for making her feel better is the nutrients from fresh juice.

I’m kind of sick of drugs. My rheumatologist will allow me the grace of their presence and continue to bill me but let me know there’s nothing they could provide me for relief unless I wanted nerve pain pills. I don’t know exactly what those are but it sounds a little drastic and like the opposite of living. I’m already on three daily medications that I can’t tell if I need or will ever be done with or not. That’s plenty.

I have had several flings with juice in the past. I was fed in such a way when I was growing up that I love the texture, flavor, and sensations of fruit. Even now some of my favorite beers are stouts with a hint of dark fruit or nuts, though beer is kind of the opposite of healthy juice. When I was six, my mom got on one of her obsessive health kicks and bought a juice-man. She would make my brother and I drink green apple carrot juice which was actually pretty damn good (i thought…. my brother– who cares what he thought).  I don’t know why she started this, I think it was one of those things she wanted to try and then figured we needed to do it too because misery loves company. She later got into tonics and wheat germ and other stuff she soon after abandoned but I did not have to partake. When I was even younger (3-6) there was a ritual where my father would make my brother and I drink a can of prune juice every night (my brother was born with a fucked up stomach and I was along for the ride) and we weren’t permitted to go to bed until it produced the desired effect. I  recall even having to drink cans of it in a motel en route to a Florida vacation. That’s probably where I got such a high juice tolerance actually as well as at least one of my freudian fixations.

Much like my on again off again childhood vegetarianism, juicing was bound to come back. When I was 21, my father was diagnosed with a fatal brain tumor. I quit school to come home and keep him company for the 18 months until he passed away. Watching him every day and through our often senseless interactions, I decided whatever was happening to him would never happen to me. I didn’t much cut out my tendencies to swill beer and liquor, but borrowed my grandma’s $400 vitamix and began juicing one or two of my meals throughout the day. The only thing I remember vividly making is tomato juice with a fuckload of pepper sauce. Other meals frequently involved grilled vegetables/veggie “meat”, lamb, tacos and taco accessories, grilled cheese, or homemade pizza. I got down to about 110# (a loss of maybe 30-40 lbs) unintentionally. This all came to an abrupt end when my father decided he wanted the blender OUT OF THE HOUSE (I can only assume this was a message directly from God or similar) and I eventually went back to being an average size/dieted person.

Since then my journey of health has caused my weight to balloon up and down as a result of diet, a longterm dosing of steroids, apathy and laziness. I don’t really care about weight I’d just like to feel good and have more energy and less pain.

Now I find myself at a crossroads. My boyfriend and I are trying to eat healthier. My garden is full of directionless tomatoes and peppers. I am thirsty and probably a little malnourished. I did some googling around for juicing options last night and will probably resort to just getting a regular blender from walmart and running it until it blows the motor out, returning and repeating.